


Guess I'm damaged, but I'll manage

by sunfuz



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Emo Bucky Barnes, F/M, Fluff, Fluffyfest, Minor Clint Barton/Bobbi Morse, Minor Jane Foster/Thor, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Natasha Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-07-13 23:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7141883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunfuz/pseuds/sunfuz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's just moved back to Brooklyn from Russia to live with his best friend Steve for his last year of high school.<br/>Nat's been training for months to get her scholarship into Juilliard's school of Dance.<br/>What happens when these two with a history they missed out on end up at the same school senior year?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. o n e

 

_2 New messages_. Bucky’s phone blipped as he unloaded the last box from the trailer. He opens the phone to see a couple of excited texts from his best friend Steve.

The thing is, when Bucky’s mom suggested he move back to America after living in Russia for most of his teenage experience, he was a little mortified. Sure, he had had his best friend since childhood waiting for him but he’d gotten used to the grimy environment Moscow had provided. He hadn’t been sure he was ready for Brooklyn, but then again who ever was? So, here he was James Barnes, 17, moving into his best friend’s house for his last year of high school. Sarah, Steve’s mom, was helping him move his stuff into the room they had set up for him. Steve was over at football practice even though it was quite literally the middle of summer and football season didn’t start ‘till September.

The couple of texts he’d received were as follows:

_ “Bucky!!!! have u gotten to my house yet i just got out of practice” _

_ “is it ok if i bring my friend sam over for u to meet ??”   _

Bucky chuckled a little and replied with double confirmations.

It didn’t take long for Steve to arrive with Sam in tow. Bucky had been strumming the strings on his guitar when the two beefheads walked into the house. 

“Buck are you here?” Steve called out as Sam was muttering something Bucky couldn’t make out.

“Yeah, in here.” He replied a little anxious to meet the great Sam, who had basically been his replacement. It was a lot to live up to since he had left when they were kids.

Steve and Sam walk into the room already cluttered by boxes Bucky had yet to unpack.       

“Hey how was the drive over? I know the traffic can be really bad…This is Sam by the way!” Steve chirped as they all huddled around Bucky’s new twin bed.

“Hey man.” Sam added almost inspecting Bucky’s new room. He seemed to be just as anxious as Bucky had been, he was just better at hiding it. Especially since Bucky was literally wringing his hands together as they sat in his lap.

Bucky caught them up on the way over including how many movies he watched in the 9 hour flight he had to endure. He found that Sam had moved from DC to Brooklyn not too long after Bucky moved away, it was nice to know that Steve wasn’t left alone to bullies as they had so frequently encountered in their youth. But now it seems like no one’d mess with Steve, the guy got seriously buff. If Bucky hadn’t moved away when they were young maybe he’d be a football playing all-star himself. As they talked, Bucky’s anxiety about fitting in withered away as he realized he had a found two people he really could trust. Maybe his senior year wouldn’t be so bad after all.

They decided they’d go eat somewhere for dinner so Bucky could get a feel for Brooklyn again. The two cities, Moscow and New York City, were very different. The stark contrast to the constant cold in Russia to the heavy humidity was a little overwhelming but Bucky was grateful, he was ready for the changes about to be thrust upon him. They had chosen to eat at this Thai restaurant that Steve and Sam had been going to recently and was _so_  awesome, at least that’s how Steve had put it.

"Dude, are you like always spacing out?" Sam interjected, startling Bucky and Steve at the same time. They had been reading their menus but Bucky had taken to staring out the window instead of scouring for what to order on the menu. 

Steve shoved Sam in the side with his elbow and added in a hushed whisper "We talked about this Sam." 

"Okay I know, but I'm not gonna treat him any different that I would you, which is gonna include being called out." Sam defended, clearly not trying to hide his point of view. 

Bucky was grateful, he knew that Steve had probably told Sam his home situation wasn't exactly healthy back in Moscow but he was glad to have someone who wouldn’t baby him, which is exactly what Steve might do once Sam’s not around. 

—

“Again.”

Natasha repeated the routine for the fourth time, her legs and arms swaying with precision. Sweat glistened on her forehead as she concentrated to make this her last rep, she just wanted to go home after getting this perfect.

As the music died down, she finished the routine and her instructor clapped her hands together.

“Alright Romanoff, I think that’s enough practice for today. Remember to stretch before you leave, we’ve got that recital coming up and you wouldn’t want to strain any of your muscles too much.” her instructor chided as she left the dance hall waving at Nat.

“Yeah yeah.” Nat replied mostly to herself, there’s no way her instructor had heard her as the door slammed.

As Natasha stretched she was mulling the things she had to do for school in her mind. She was in constant competition for the spot of valedictorian with Yelena, who would stop at nothing to beat her. For some reason, when Nat had transferred in middle school, Yelena decided she’d try to be better than her at everything possible. Except dance. Dance was something special to Natasha, and no matter what there would be no way that Yelena Belova could overcome her talent. Regardless of the bruised feet Nat would come home with sometimes, dance was something freeing for her. It was also probably the only creative outlet allowed for her from her strict Russian parents.

As she packed up, she got a text from her best friend since she’d moved here, Clint.

_ “Wanna get chinese tonight? they just put Black Swan on Netflix” _

She smiled and replied: _“sure, but are you trying to forewarn me with the movie choice >:(“_

Her phone dinged again _ “Maybe..” _

She smiled and put her phone in her bag, Clint had been the one to help her assimilate into their school the most. He basically convinced their whole friend group that she really wasn’t as scary as she seemed. A lot of rumors about them spurred because of their closeness but Barton only had eyes for Bobbi Morse anyways. He was like her brother in a lot of ways.

As she walked to the nearest subway station, she noted the humidity outside was a little bit beyond ridiculous, to be fair it was the latter part of July, but Natasha enjoyed it all the same. When she was young all she had was the cold, so to be living in the dead center of Brooklyn during summer was somewhat of a blessing to her.

She stood for the platform for the M train glancing around as her earbuds were blasting Tchaikovsky, the composer of her recital music. Natasha eyes skimmed around just people-watching as she often did when her trained arrived. As she stepped onto the train, she held onto the pole by the door and through the window, she could’ve sworn she saw a ghost. This ghost had the face of her first (and only?) crush in the terminal staring at a subway map trying to figure it out. But that wasn’t possible since he was all the way back in Moscow doing God knows what. She shook her head as she sat down on the train.

_Not possible_ , she thought.

Besides, he didn’t even have the same haircut.

 


	2. t w o

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> school begins!

By the time August rolled around, Bucky had adjusted comfortably back into the Brooklyn lifestyle. His summer had consisted mostly of late night hang outs with Steve laying on the floor of his room as Bucky tried to get the next right lyric in the song he was working out. The strums of his guitar echoed throughout their summer, along with the bickering between Sam and Bucky as well. They’d grown pretty comfortable with each other as the hot summer months progressed. 

 

There were many times that they’d argue for as long as it took for someone to give in while Steve just watched in concern. He’d interrupt sometimes with a “I just think..” 

Only to be shut down by the both of them with “Steve don’t.

 

Despite this, the both of them established a trust that had emerged from many nights that included Bucky waking up sweaty from a nightmare about things he’d never explain and Sam rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he noticed the light coming from Steve and Bucky’s shared bathroom. Many nights ensued of Sam being a silent support for Bucky, because also echoed throughout that summer was “Don’t tell Steve.”

 

Their last year of high school was about to begin and although Bucky felt pretty secure with his friends and his new environment, there was still a bugging feeling that stayed ever present at the back of his mind. Bucky loved his two close friends but there was a fear that he wouldn’t really meet anyone that’d just understand what he was going through, as angsty as it sounded.

 

Regardless, the beginning of the school year came in no time and the three of them rode together on the way to school on that first day.

“Ready for a new school, Buck?” Steve questioned with a hint of concern in his tone. 

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” Bucky replied almost instantaneously with a small smile. Poor Steve couldn’t help but worry and Bucky was grateful that he cared.

“Well we’re here man,” Sam added as he shut off the engine of his truck. 

They all piled out and Bucky wondered what lay ahead of him at Midtown.

_

 

On the first day back at school for their senior year, Natasha was ready to fight. Not literally, although if someone did come at her that way, she’d knock them down with all the power her self defense classes taught her. But Natasha was ready to fight in the academic sense, this year was about to be her most stressful year and also the most gratifying. The amount of work she had to face day in and day out was probably enough that it would make others crumble, but Natasha learned at a young age that having a brazen outlook on this life could bring more than what was laid out for you. 

She waited in line for her schedule along with the other students at Midtown, and she was obviously anxious to get it. Her gym bag that she had in her hand was weighted with her ballet shoes and outfit, since she’d have yet another practice after school for her recital. This solo was her ticket into Juilliard. The pressing issue was pushed to the back of her mind as she was asked her last name before getting handed her class roster.

It read as follows:

AP economics

AP biology

Dance

english literature

calculus bc

 

Natasha was mildly happy with this, having tough classes put her above the rest. An arm was around her and she was about to hit whoever had the audacity to touch her, but then she realized it was just Clint. 

She smiled and said “What’s up arrow guy?”

She’d taken to calling him that since he started taking archery lessons, while it was a teasing name, he was actually pretty good at it. 

“Just got my schedule,” he replied, stretching his arm out for her to see. 

To her luck, they didn’t seem to have any classes together, she frowned and told him so.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, this way you’ll make more friends!” Clint remarked trying to keep a positive tone. 

“I’ve already got enough, we’ve got a whole group!” Nat protested before Clint gave her a look.

“Yeah, but remember how long it took for you to warm up to them?” he added.

“What can I say? I’m careful about who I let in, it’s a mistake I won’t make twice.” Natasha said which ended the discussion.  

 

As she made her way into first period, economics, she sat in a seat towards the front with her earbuds in again as a sign on her forehead of: "Don’t Bother Me." Of course, leave it Tony Stark to not read the signs. The second he walked into the class he sits down behind her to tap on her shoulder.

“Yes, Tony?” she said as she fought to not roll her eyes.

“Romanoff! You sound displeased to see me.” Tony said with the ever present smirk.

“Don’t you have your all-american boy to bother,” she snapped back in reference to an ongoing crush Tony had on Steve Rogers, but one he’d never admit.

The color drained from his face a little before he attempted to protest, but he just let himself silently dwindle off. Natasha smiled to herself, of course Tony was a good friend of hers, he just got on her nerves quite a bit. 

The rest of the class was filing in, she noted that Bobbi Morse passed by, which she’d tease Clint about later. The seat next to her was still empty, probably because some people after three years of high school were still scared of her. At least this time, she knew she had friends who were there. 

Everyone was buzzing with excitement for their last year, the murmurs across the room had silenced though and Natasha had not noticed because her earbuds were still playing Tchaikovsky as she mentally went through her solo routine. She opened her eyes to see him standing in the doorway already looking at her. She pulled her earbud out as she felt her heart in her throat. James was looking at her, she was sure it was her James this time. The guy in the subway had not been a ghost. His blue eyes transfixed on her, but the look was not of recognition. She studied him just as much as he was watching her in the few seconds and she took note of how his hair had gotten longer, he had it pulled into a man-bun that only he could pull off. His features were much more refined than they had been when they were young, and he seemed tired.

He blinked a couple times before looking away and stepping fully into the room and clearing his throat.

“Uh, sorry I’m late..just got..lost I guess, I’m new here..” He stumbled out before handing the teacher a note. He seemed clumsy which she wanted to laugh at, but she didn’t give a hint of amusement, as her face was completely frozen. James glanced around the room stopping on her and the seat next to hers for a moment longer before making his way there. He sat down, looking straight forward and didn’t glance back at Natasha. She did the same, even though every time he shifted in his seat in her peripheral vision she noticed, painfully. This exchange reminded her of their first meeting only a little, when Natasha had been Natalia, and a lot of things had been different.

  
-

 

Natalia had been attending the best secondary school in Moscow as her parents assured. She was so young then, about 11 or 12, not even she can remember the exact age.  

Natalia had been a little rough around the edges at this age, even more so than she was at 17 which may surprise. It wasn’t that she was mean, she just didn’t have time for other people, or at least that’s how she had justified not really having friends at all to herself. Her red hair pulled back, and a seemingly permanent scowl not only scared away potential friends, but also assured no one would mess with her.

After getting changed along with her classmates, with their tights and their ballet shoes fitted correctly they all were stretched for dance class.

< “Okay, let’s get started. Line up along the rails and we’ll do the warm up exercise.”> the instructor chimed and the class immediately went to work. 

They were all focusing on moving their legs in perfect time to the music with their hands on the rail when someone burst the door open. The class halted, Natalia a little annoyed at whoever could be so late, Karpov would not be happy after this. The instructor, Karpov, paused the music and a silence fell upon the hall as they all studied the intruder.

He was a kid around her age, with short brown hair that was spotted with white from the snow outside. He had smile lines that marked his face like he’d been laughing a lot. Natalia studied him silently along with everyone else as this boy made his way across the room to Karpov with a note from his outstretched hand. Karpov murmured silent enough that she couldn’t make out what he was saying to the new boy while everyone buzzed with excitement around her. Karpov cleared his throat and it fell silent again.

< “Alright class, this is James Barnes he’s moved to this school from the one in St. Petersburg, but he’s originally from America. Be kind. He’s one of you now.”> Karpov motioned for the boy, James, to go get changed before resuming the music.

They all returned to their routine, and Natalia who had been by herself on the rail told herself to focus on getting better. She loved dance, and wanted to be part of the Bolshoi Ballet group once she was old enough. Her thoughts were interrupted once she felt someone approaching her bar. She could hear the other students trying to warn him to not bother the Black Widow, but it seemed futile. She braced herself as she felt James join her at her bar waiting for the pestering questions that everyone has as they meet her.

But they never came. She watched through the reflection of the mirror that he was just mimicking her movements through the warm up. He didn’t seem to notice that she was staring at him in the mirror because he was transfixed on the way she was moving through the routine. Natalia started to feel..weird, at least that was a way to describe it.

 

<“Aren’t you going to ask why everyone’s afraid of me?”> Natalia questioned, turning on the bar as the class ended. It had been an entire two hours of comfortable silence between the two and it bothered Natalia enough that she had to say something. 

<“I figured I’d find out myself.”> James replied with an accented Russian and a smile that met his eyes in the right way. 

<“Okay well, your Russian sucks. You’ll need to work on that.”> Natalia retorted trying to hide the creeping blush that threatened to make itself obvious. 

<“Looking forward to it, Natalia.”>  James said with a boyish grin as she scoffed and walked out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed it! tried to make it a little bit longer than the first :-) also the arrows means they're speaking in Russian!


	3. t h r e e

Natasha was studying in the library with Jane Foster on biology when Steve walked in with James and Sam in tow.

For the past week, Natasha had been subtly trying to see if it was her James, he certainly looked the part but he didn't seem to remember her. Was she that easily forgotten? Apparently James was called "Bucky" now so she tried carefully to not let her name for him slip if he was brought up in conversation, as was about to happen.

"Hey there's that new kid.." Jane whispered over the textbooks watching carefully.

"Yeah," Natasha replied trying to sound nonchalant, she didn't want people knowing how much she actually cared how far in distance he was standing from her at the moment.

"I heard he's Steve's best friend from forever ago, but he moved just back from Russia! Seems like you two have a lot in common!" Jane winked at Natasha before adding

"You know I'm just teasing, Nat." 

"Plenty of people are from Russia, him and I just happen to both be that way" Nat shrugged again, she really had to work to seem like none of this was bothering her.

The thing a normal girl in her situation would do would be to immediately engage with the guy, reconnect. But, Natasha couldn't bring herself to have eye contact with him as long as she did that first day. Every time his eyes landed on her she looked away before he could notice that she was looking. That was the thing too, he seemed to _always_ be looking at her. Natasha tried to make herself know that it meant nothing obviously because he didn't seem to know her. There were plenty of times she'd caught him looking before she exited herself from the situation.

For example, third day of school she was sitting at the round table in the cafeteria with Jane, Thor, Clint, Bruce, and Tony when she noticed him across the room. He was looking at her with some vague interest and just as quickly as she was to get up to leave, his ears managed to turn red out of her eyesight.

These little details infuriated her, because _how_ could he not know her.  She tried to push it out of her mind, tell herself to just focus on school which is all that was important at the moment. 

Jane's phone dinged, probably a text from Thor by the way she smiled at it. Jane looked up at Natasha before telling her what was on her mind. 

"Hey, sorry to cut this short but Thor asked me to come visit him in the weight room real quick before class. You can finish this on your own right? Also, Thor's having a party this Saturday you should definitely come! He told me to tell you that." Jane said hurriedly as she gathered her things and tried not to seem like she's bounding towards the door.

"I'll be fine, have fun with lover boy. And I'll see if I can!" Natasha said as Jane waves goodbye. 

Natasha smiles at Jane as she leaves the library with a smile etched on her face. Natasha really admired her, she kept up with school really well by being in the top ten and still managed to have probably the longest high school relationship Nat's ever witnessed. Seriously, if they didn't get "High School Sweethearts" for the senior superlatives, the world would have lost all hope. 

So, Natasha was left in the library to study Bio on her own. She had managed to memorize a few concepts from the second chapter before someone sat at her table. She looked up to see Steve smiling at her, but there was a feeling of instant dread because it meant that "Bucky" wasn't too far behind. 

"Hey, Nat d'you mind if we sit here for a little bit, we're trying to kill time before next period." Steve said all smiles.

Of course, Natasha couldn't say no so she nods as she watched "Bucky" and Sam come to join at the table. They seemed to be all in on something as Sam and Steve kept stealing weird glances towards "Bucky" and Natasha was having none of it. She stood up and her chair scraped loudly, and she gathered her things before looking at James a little painfully and then to the others. 

"You know, I just remembered I have to meet Jane by the weight room. Table's all yours fellas." She said with a forced smile and walked out the door. Her heart pounding a little bit, not because she was still in love with the guy but just because he needed to stop invading her life. When he first appeared she figured she'd just ignore him until she got over it but it seemed like he wasn't going anywhere.

  
  
  


As they watched her walk out, Bucky face palmed and groaned a little.

"You guys are probably the literal worst wingmen in history." Bucky groaned as he replayed the last few moments in his head. 

For the past week, Bucky couldn't seem to get over how cute slash beautiful slash intimidating slash everything he'd want in a girl slash slash slash this girl Natasha was. He didn't know what was so intriguing about this girl. On the first day of school his heart stopped when she gazed at him with this look like she knew exactly who he was, and she seemed a little happy to see him. Bucky was pretty sure he'd never seen this girl before but he gushed to Steve and Sam about it and when he had they gave him this serious look before responding. 

"Dude, that's Natasha. Natasha Romanoff. The girl will bite your head off if you look at her in the wrong way." Sam said that day with no amusement in his eyes.

"Okay you may be exaggerating a little Sam, she's real nice once you get to know her." Steve said defensively.

"That's only because you've got the in with her, Rogers. She doesn't trust everyone." Sam replied back. 

After they had all discussed it, they came to the verdict that Bucky had a serious crush on a girl he saw for five minutes. The guy hadn't even talked to her yet and he was already writing songs. Okay, maybe it was a bit creepy, but to some it was charming and Bucky hoped she'd consider it the latter.

"Okay, okay. I admit we were probably being a little weird, Buck." Steve said with his hands up in surrender.

"Thor's having a party this weekend, that's probably the perfect time to talk to her!" Sam said with a smile that probably meant he also just wanted to party.

"We don't even know if she'll be there, but I guess it won't do much harm." Bucky sighed trying to muster up some confidence that he had left.

  
  
  


Come Saturday, Natasha wasn’t sure she was really up to this. Parties _weren’t_ her thing. Boys _weren’t_ her thing. And to be dealing with socializing for a very long allotment of time was going to be exhausting. Nevertheless, Natasha was determined to at least try to enjoy her last year of high school even if it meant forced outings. 

_There’s worse things_ , she thought as she dressed herself, _at least there’ll be booze of some kind._

A ding came from her phone and notified her that someone had texted her, and she opened it to see a message from Steve.

_ “Will u be at the party??”  _

She sighed and typed out her message.

_ “Yep!” _

She knew Steve wanting to know if she’d be there probably had something to do with happened in the library, although she’d like to burn it out of her mind. Natasha regretted acting so cold, and probably gave James- _no_ , Bucky, the idea that she was as scary as they come. 

Whatever. 

Natasha arrived at the party approximately 30 minutes late, she had a reputation of being late and didn’t want to disappoint. It seemed the party had come to life in Thor’s house as she could feel the music’s vibrations on the front porch. She smiled to herself  before letting herself in. There were so many people filling up the space in Thor’s living room she couldn’t even tell if Clint was somewhere around. She let her eyes skim around and watch the crowd. She noted the Remy Lebeau, the french kid, was talking up Marie D’Ancanto in one corner. At the table by the kitchen, Tony Stark was playing beer pong with his best friend Rhodey. She wandered in the crowd for a while wondering if Clint had shown up, but her answer came quick enough as she saw him chasing after Bobbi down a hallway. She snorted and grabbed a red solo cup and went to fill up her drink when she noticed James walking in with Sam, Steve probably not too far behind. Natasha downed her drink and headed for the kitchen.

  
  


Bucky had been wandering about the party for a little bit when he heard a noise of some things dropping in the kitchen adjacent to where he was standing. He peeked his head in the doorway to see the commotion and to his horror found two guys trying to make a "move" on Natasha on the back porch. He could see her from the window trying to get them to back off but he heard one of them say 

"Hey baby, don't be so mean about it. We just want some fun." 

"Go find some fun elsewhere, jackass." Nat said before trying to walk away.

The guys' faces dropped from humorous to serious as they started to push her against the wall and try to reach up her skirt. Bucky, filled with rage, moved to open the door to the back porch to defend her. He found, on his way over that she didn't need much defending.

In the span of the few seconds it took for Bucky to cross the kitchen, Natasha had subdued them by kneeing one of the guys in the groin and seemed to break the other guy's nose with an upward punch straight up his face.

Thoroughly impressed, Bucky opened the door to find them laying on the ground in their drunken stupor, groaning at the pain inflicted on them. Natasha was panting heavily and fixing her messed up clothing when she glanced back at Bucky who was breathing just as heavily.

"Are you..okay? I saw what was happening and was about to come help you..doesn't seem like you needed me though.." Bucky said cautiously, watching her face. 

She watched him carefully, up close, Bucky noticed that her eyeliner was smudged and even though she had been strong enough to fight them off she seemed to be shaken up.

Before she gave a clear response she mumbled a bit, something like "always you" he caught at the end.

"Yeah, yeah I'm...fine. I guess, yeah I'm okay." Natasha sighed seemingly saying it to herself more than him. Her eyes were prickling just a little bit, all she wanted to do was have him hug her and comfort her but she couldn't have that. Not like this, not ever, it seemed. 

Bucky nodded and looked at the two guys on the ground and his expression changed dramatically, she noticed he seemed to have more anger than she would've thought. He moved towards them and dragged them both off the porch while Natasha watched.

"What are...what are you doing?" Natasha called out, a little confused.

"Giving them what they deserve." Bucky said as he began to strip one of the guys out of his clothes. 

"Well hey, if this is revenge let me in on it too" Natasha replied hopping down the steps.

The two of them stripped the two boys out of their clothes except for their sad briefs and made the two of them hold hands as they were both knocked out. Bucky laughed as they were set out in front of Thor's house for someone to find in the morning. Nat smiled a little thinking very minutely in the back of their head that they had this in common.

"Want me to bring you home?" Bucky asked as they had finished their deed and were walking about in front of Thor's house. 

Nat swallowed the lump in her throat and said "Um, sure. But let me just let Clint know I'm leaving.”

She pulled out her phone nervously and typed out the message before shoving the phone in her pocket. Natasha smiled up at James-Bucky before they started to walk. She didn’t realize how much he’d _grown_ until now, he was nearly a foot taller than her. As the two of them walked to the nearest subway station, a silence fell upon them but it wasn’t uncomfortable..it was kind of nice for both of them to have some quiet.

 

“So I’m sure you know by now, but I’m Natasha, we haven’t been formally introduced.” Nat said smiling a little at the irony of what was happening. 

Bucky smiled too, stopped and turned to her.

“I’m Bucky, but y’know that’s just a nickname, real name’s James Barnes.”

The lump that was always present in Nat’s throat when James was around grew larger in size at this.

“That’s..a nice name. Where’d Bucky come from? And hope you don’t mind that I’ll be calling you James from now on.”

“Eh, was a thing Steve called me when we were young, kinda stuck. Over in Russia everybody called me James though so it's kinda weird for all of sudden to be called Bucky.” James seemed a little far off when he talked, like he was always trying to figure something out.

“Must be nice to have a change of scenery, though.” Nat said only subtly trying to understand why he didn’t remember her. 

“Yeah, I guess. Sam and Steve have brought me in no questions asked but I don’t know something makes me still miss Russia sometimes. Got in a car accident while I was over there and the doctors said my head trauma made me forget something, but I still haven’t figured out what. Mom said it’d be good for me to go someplace else, just for a while at least, to figure out what’s going on with my head..Anyways don’t know why I’m spilling this all out to ya, you’re kind of easy to talk to.” James said with a smile that made his eyes crinkle. 

It all made sense now, this was why he couldn’t recognize her, why he hadn’t said anything to her. Nat tried not to have a visual reaction while freaking out, she could tell him but then he’d just feel bad about not knowing and have to deal with that. She decided she’d just wait it out to see if he’d ever remember. If anyone has to feel pain about it at least she’ll be the only one. 

“Well, James, you don’t have to actually walk me all the way home, I can take the subway from here.” Nat said with another facade on her face.

“You sure? I wouldn’t want to leave ya alone if you’re in the least bit shaken up about what happened, you’re tough though I give you that. Besides, it’s nice to talk to someone other than Steve and Sam and it’s probably obvious to you that I like you” James said confidently but afterwards his eyes widened a little before he turned red.

Nat’s cheeks flushed, how could history be repeating itself? They were completely different people now than when they knew each other but here he was again, with flushed cheeks and a dopey look in his eyes.

“Wasn’t as obvious to me, but thanks for the tip. And I’m fine, James I’ll see you at school.” Natasha winked with all the courage she had left before stepping onto her train. Through the window she held her hand up to the glass to wave and watched James waving at her from the platform before he disappeared into darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully you guys enjoyed!


	4. f o u r

_ 2010 _

Since their first interaction on that fateful day James walked into dance, Natalia seemed to have the feeling that he wasn’t going away any time soon. She probably felt this way because since that first day he had been following her around like a lost puppy. Natalia had tried it all, being rude, leaving him alone, pranking him, but the kid just kept coming back. For a 12 year old, he seemed pretty determined. 

<”For the upcoming winter performance, duets will be performed by the students in this class period. I will assign them now, these are based on how well your chemistry is with one another. 

James and Natalia, Alexei and Agnessa, and Fyodor and Irina.”> Karpov called out to the class as they all murmured in excitement. 

Natalia didn’t hide her groan as she looked at James who had planted himself by her side at the bar. In all honesty, it wasn’t that she didn’t like James, she actually did, a lot. That was the problem. Natalia didn’t need distractions, she needed to be working towards her goal. And a cute boy following her around wasn’t helping. Natalia had fostered a crush on James as the months had passed but of course she’d never admit it to herself, or anyone else for that matter.

James didn’t seem to mind being paired with her, he actually seemed elated. Which caused Natalia’s heart to flutter,  _ again _ .

<”You will be expected to be practicing at least three times a week in your own dance halls. I will be observing the practices once a week. If your performance is lacking, you’ll be cut.”> Karpov threatened.

Natalia shoved down all regret of James at this statement, she had to be the best no matter who her partner was. Her future depended on it. 

By the end of the class, Natalia had her resolve strong, she wouldn’t let James bother her anymore, it just didn’t mean anything. Besides, she was  _ not _ going to date until after she’d secured a spot in a dance company. 

<”So you wanna practice tomorrow?”> James said as he caught up with her as she began her trek home in the cold.

<”Yeah. Better to start sooner than later.”> Natasha replied.

<”See you then!”> James shouted as they parted ways home.

  
  


They had reserved one of the rooms for practicing in the building of the dance department. James had gotten there a little late, Natalia had been there stretching for about 15 minutes when he walked in.   
<”Good of you to join me, James.”> Natalia remarked sarcastically. 

<”I won’t be late next time, promise.>” he replied, unabashed.

And he meant it, the next day they practiced James had probably been there for at least 30 minutes when Natalia arrived. She was impressed with him, and how he got serious when he needed to even though he was a dork. They worked through the mechanics of their dance, her getting the spotlight a couple times throughout. 

Natalia was getting stressed as time went on however, and it showed. Her eyebrows were constantly pulled together as they practiced day in and day out. James had definitely noticed. It was getting harder and harder for him to get her to laugh, which he loved to do. One day when they were practicing their lift, he paused when he had her in the air above him and wriggled his fingers where they sat on her stomach. She looked at him confused before starting to convulse and holding back a laugh. He continued, smiling when she started to laugh out loud and wriggled so much that he dropped her and her body fell on top of his as they tumbled to the ground. 

The both of them had been laughing so much they didn’t notice how close they were to each other at that moment. James was sure he had never heard Natalia laugh this much, maybe it was just because of how ridiculous it seemed when they fell. His laugh started to die off as she continued to laugh, and he was just enjoying it. When Natalia felt him watching her, she coughed her laugh off but still had a smile on her face. 

<”Let’s get back to work.”> She said as she stood, holding a hand out to him. He grinned and took her hand before the memory faded.

_ 2016 _

Natasha woke, sweaty from the heat that had built up in her room. She sat up in the dark and mulled the memory over in her head. James had definitely been the one light in her life back in Russia, he taught her how to have fun and to laugh, and not to take herself so seriously. Natasha had been devastated when her parents had told her she’d be moving to New York. She hadn’t wanted to leave James behind, she wanted to stay there, with him and be part of the Bolshoi dance company. Natasha had not argued back then though, she  _ was _ just a kid and her parents knew what was best. 

Natasha wrung her hands together as she remembered when she had told James she had to go away, and how cold she had to make herself just to not cry in front of him. At that point, the two of them obviously liked each other but had not said anything as they thought they had all the time in the world for that. 

His pained expression was etched in her mind, and she remembers the day she was leaving when he came to her house to see her off. He hugged her tightly that day, barely being able to feel her through the many layers they both had on because of the snow. James kissed her on the cheek, and it felt like it burned. She had her hand on her face as she watched him disappear from view in the snow from the back window of their car. 

Natasha sat in bed that night with her hand on her cheek, still thinking of James. 

  
  


Well, Natasha didn’t know where her relationship with James stood now. For the past week in the hallways of school and in first period, they had shared smiles that were only meant for each other in passing. It felt like they were friends, I mean basically they were right? It was like there was this secret between them that no one else knew about, but not even they would speak of. On a Thursday after their economics teacher had already wrapped things up, Natasha had an urge to finally talk to James. As they headed out of the classroom, conveniently right next to each other, she turned to him. James looked good most days, but today especially. His hair was falling in his face as he moved to put an earbud in and Natasha had to fight the urge to tuck it behind his ear.    
“So where do you eat?” Nat said absolutely out of nowhere.

“...Eat?” James replied looking down at her with a smile slowly forming.

“Y’know, eating.. for lunch?” Natasha repeated suddenly not so sure of what she was trying to get at. 

“Oh, usually with Steve and Sam. Wherever there’s empty space mainly.” James answered, feigning a mock-serious attitude of this very important topic.

“Well, we’ve got a table, my friends I mean, and you’re welcome to come sit. I’m sure you know where it is, gotta go James!” Natasha replied still managing to look cool and confident even though she was hitting her head on a wall on the inside. She caught up with Maria Hill further ahead in the hallway before turning back to look once and wave as they disappeared round the corner.

“..Yeah.” Bucky let out as a sigh, if he thought he had it bad before, it was seriously way worse now.

He had been in a dreamy haze all week thinking about Natasha, as in not  _ all _ the time, but if you asked Sam he’d say “It’s like she’s infected him or some shit.” 

They’d both been dancing around talking so this was their first real conversation since the night of the party and Bucky was feeling pretty light. Sam spotted him in the hallway waiting for their teacher for Physics to open the door. Bucky was leaning against the wall with his headphones in and was decorated with an ever present dopey grin as he was smiling at literally nothing. Sam clapped him on the back and Bucky was brought to real life and took his headphones out. 

“So, Natasha hold your hand or somethin?” Sam pestered with an annoyingly knowing grin on his face.

“Shut up man, we talked okay?” Bucky replied shoving him off.

“Like, ‘dude I think she just gets what I’m about’ kinda talk or ‘she said hi and I almost passed out Sam.’” Sam chuckling louder when Bucky’s face turned from flushed to beet red. 

“I don’t know you anymore. Bye.” Bucky replied sitting down opposite from where they usually sit. 

Sam just kept laughing as he joined Rhodey in the back of the classroom. Bucky lifted his backpack onto his lap and bit back a smile. The class droned on and Dr. Pym’s voice was literally making Bucky’s eyes droop on their own. Before he knew it, Bucky was waking up at the bell and he rushed to get his things together, scrambling his notebooks into his backpack. Before he made it out of the door he heard Dr. Pym call out after him.

“Barnes, a word.” 

In Bucky’s world, this definitely could not be a good thing.

“Yes, Dr. Pym?”

“I’ve got to be frank with you, Barnes. I’m concerned about your grades. I know you’re adjusting to a new school and such, but it’s four weeks into the quarter and you are currently at a 59 in my class. I don’t let my students fail if I can help it, so if you need anything or a tutoring buddy, I’ll help you out.” Dr. Pym said with furrowed eyebrows.

“I’ll keep it in mind, I’ll definitely try harder, Dr. Pym. Thanks so much.” Bucky said on the way out.

Well now he was properly freaking out. Part of moving to Brooklyn was the condition that Bucky at least have mediocre grades for his senior year. If he couldn’t keep up, he might get sent back to Russia. Now that he was here, and had made friends, he didn’t want to leave them, especially not Steve, Sam or Natasha. He chewed his fingers deep in thought as he processed this information.

It’s not as if he’d always been terrible in school, he just found that recently he had trouble focusing on school work of any kind. Maybe he just didn’t retain information well. He decided to push it out of his mind for another time.

 

-

 

“So how ‘bout that Bucky guy, huh?” Maria Hill said once they were all seated at lunch. 

“What about him?” Natasha said looking up from her salad as she forked the ranch around.

“Don’t ‘what’ us, Nat. We know he’s got the hots for you.” Jane answered laughing at her nonchalant response.    
“Do you now?” Natasha said still holding up a front. Sure, these were her good friends, but she still felt weird admitting her feelings about someone when it wasn’t really their business. 

“The guy is always looking at you like you make the world turn.” Tony scoffed as he tried to engulf his burrito. 

“As if you don’t do that with Rogers.” she rebutted and Tony choked a little. Everyone started laughing.

Natasha’s face had flushed, and it would’ve gone unnoticed if Clint hadn’t said “Ah! There it is!!” and proceeded to pinch her cheek.

She gave him a murderous stare that made his laughter die down before speaking.

“I said him and his two friends could sit here sometimes so if they decide to come don’t be weird. Scratch that. Not _as_  weird.” 

“Speak of the devils and they shall appear?” Clint whispered as he pointed out that the three of them were walking towards them now. 

“Guys, scoot over, give him room to sit next to Natasha.” Clint said as he attempted to push Thor over, which only “worked” when Thor decided to move. 

Natasha closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. This was going to be a disaster. She peeked behind her shoulder to glimpse at James. When she did, their eyes immediately met, as he was already walking towards her and a grin shot across his face. She tried to make a smile but it probably looked pained because her friends were about to embarrass her for life. 

They approached the table and Steve spoke up first.

“Buck said we could sit with you guys? Hope it’s okay.” 

He took a seat in the empty space next to Tony and smiled at him, while Sam sat between Thor and Clint. James’ cheeks were a little flushed as he sat down next to Natasha. 

“Welcome teammates! And Bucky!” Thor said loudly. He usually never even knew how loud he was because of how much time he spent in the weight room with the other football players. 

The three of them smiled in return and chatter resumed as normal. A comfortable buzz moved around the table as they all talked. 

Natasha had acknowledged James with a smile when he sat down, but now she was feeling all weird. She had eaten her salad and was silently listening to the conversation and James next to her was still consuming a cheeseburger. She had a smile on her face but she was hyper aware of how his leg was bouncing and was probably documenting how many times their knees brushed.

“Physics with Pym is killing me!” Sam announced as it came up in conversation. 

James grunted in agreement. 

“Hey Bucky what did Pym say to you after class?” Sam queried across the table. 

“Oh, was concerned about my grade. Said I should get a tutor or something.” James answered, a little embarrassed what with Natasha right next to him.

“Nat’s pretty much valedictorian! She could help you out!” Clint replied enthusiastically. 

When James turned to Natasha, Clint winked unabashedly. 

“Would ya? You don’t have to, of course. Only if you want.” James said quieter, and only to her.

“I mean, I guess. It’s only physics, right? I took AP physics last year…” Natasha said acting as if it wasn’t a big deal. Because it wasn’t. James needed some help, and she could help him. So why wouldn’t she?

When she looked up at James he had this smile that made her think about all the reasons why she should absolutely not. She wouldn’t be able to talk if he looked at her like that in the study session, let alone tutor. Natasha returned the smile and the bell interrupted everyone’s matchmaking eyes as they all scrambled to their next class. Natasha was putting her stuff together and James hung around while everyone was leaving. 

“So, I guess I can ask for your number now, right?” James chuckled scratching the back of his head, his damn hair falling in his face again. 

“Yeah,” Natasha said scribbling the number and ‘nat’ next to it on a piece of paper before handing it to him with a smile.

“Thanks,” James replied smiling at it.   
“Well I guess I’ll see you later, James.” Natasha said with a smirk she always put on when she wanted to seem confident.

“Yeah, see ya, Natalia.” James said waving as they parted ways for their next classes. His face contorted after he said that, as if he didn’t know why he did it.

Natasha’s face froze again and she knew then at that point, that James may in fact remember her, and soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little flashback and more fluff! hope you guys liked it! :D


	5. f i v e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> study date :-)

Bucky dreamed of dancers, ballet dancers to be exact. They moved across an endless plane, repeating the same routine over and over. From what Bucky could see they didn't have faces that he could figure out, they were all blurred from vision and they all seemed to look the same. Except for one. One dancer was obviously the best out of the group and she had fiery red hair. Bucky still couldn't make out her face but she stood out from the group doing the same routine. 

When he woke up, he didn't think much of the dream as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Just brushed it off as another weird dream he was already forgetting. It was Saturday and he glanced at the clock on his nightstand that read “12:19 PM”. He sat up in his sheets, blinking wearily as one does when they've just woken up. All of a sudden, Steve burst into his room the light from the hallway pouring in as he held the door open.

 

“Great! You’re up!” Steve said cheerfully, crossing the room to open Bucky’s blinds. When he did, Bucky yelped and dove back under the sheets, tugging them around himself.

“You can’t stay in bed all day, Buck. It’s not good for ya.” Steve chided as he pulled the sheets off of a groaning Bucky.

“Who said?” Bucky replied covering his eyes still, cornered on his bed.

As if to answer the question, Bucky’s phone chimed, the tone for a text from Natasha and Bucky turned so quickly it’d be hard to believe he was asleep a few minutes ago.

Noting Bucky’s attitude change, Steve snatched the phone before Bucky could get to it and walked out of his room.

 

“Hey!” Bucky called out, finally lumbering out of bed.

“Relax, Mr.Romanoff, just trying to motivate you to get up.” Steve said once Bucky had caught up with him, and handed him the phone.

Bucky scoffed and sat at the kitchen counter opening his phone eagerly to see what she’d said. Since Bucky had gotten her number, they’d been texting for a couple days now constantly. Bucky learned that he loved Nat’s dry humor and she was really fun to talk to. At first it had been merely about when they were going to study, which happened to be that Saturday exactly, but then it led to more. Soon enough, they were texting until one of them fell asleep. Steve had definitely taken every opportunity to tease his friend when Sam wasn’t around to do so. 

The text from Natasha read as:    
“Meet at the brooklyn public library @ 2?”

Bucky smiled getting all giddy inside, she probably wasn’t nearly as excited as he was as he typed his reply.

“Yeah, can’t wait!” 

On the other end, Natasha smiled at his response and let herself get excited. Technically, no one was around to see her do a little happy dance so did she really do it? Natasha browsed her closet to decide what she’d be wearing. As her eyes skimmed through, she noticed her ballet flats on the floor and realized she’d been getting distracted. She really needed to practice more, her audition tape recording was going to be in October. And that’s just the tape, if they accept her tape then she has to do  _ another _ audition, this time in real life. She decided that she’d bring her ballet stuff with her to the study session and afterwards head to the dance hall to practice some more. 

Her black t-shirt dress fit loosely, and after she stepped into her shoes she grabbed her gym bag with ballet stuff in it on the way out. Her parents were almost never home, they always had something going on at work, so it almost felt like she lived alone most of the time. Which she didn’t mind, most of the time. 

It had crossed Natasha’s mind that maybe hanging out with James alone, even if it was just to study, wasn’t such a good idea. Of course she enjoyed his company, but she didn’t want to have any false hopes because of things like coincidences, and it might be a rollercoaster of wondering when he’ll remember. But these were all things out of her control, and if she enjoyed who he was now, that’s all that mattered. She was riding the subway to the library as she ran these things through her mind, clutching onto the physics book she had brought for reference. 

* * *

  
  


Soon enough, Bucky found the library after trying to follow Steve’s “very specific instructions” which happened to be vaguer than his memory. Eventually after 15 minutes of trying to remember his instructions, he just opened up the maps app on his phone and found it his own damn self. He was wearing a red flannel with the sleeves rolled up which, according to Steve, said “cool guy” Of course, Bucky had no idea what it took to impress Natasha so he was just winging it. With one hand on the strap of his backpack he walked up the steps, looking around for Natasha anywhere. He spotted her sitting on the steps closer to the door, and smiled. She always looked so cool, she was sitting there with sunglasses on reading whatever book was in her lap. 

“Hey, Nat.” Bucky said suddenly feeling nervous as he approached her. 

“Oh, hey James.” She said smiling up at him before getting up to grab her things, including a gym bag, which Bucky only briefly wondered about. 

“Ready to study your ass off? I’m not letting Pym fail you.” Natasha added moving the sunglasses to sit on her head as they walked into the entrance. 

Bucky could only nod as nerves began to sit in, she knew he liked her but he really couldn’t tell if she reciprocated. Technically, they did just become friends so maybe he shouldn’t worry too much about it.

Natasha maneuvered throughout the library like a pro, she’d probably been going here for ages. Bucky followed as she made a bee-line for a study room and he struggled to not bump into things as she moved so quickly. 

She had been moving so quickly to hide her nerves, she reached her favorite study room and sighed before opening the door for the both of them. Natasha smiled at James before sitting down at the table, and gesturing for him to do so. He took a seat laughing a little bit, and Natasha moved to get her books out. Usually she felt totally comfortable in this little room that was basically her own, but today James was preoccupying a lot of space. Natasha couldn’t help admiring his broad shoulders and how his biceps were straining against the fabric of his sleeves. 

_ Oh God, _ she thought, and shook her head mentally. Back to the main focus.

“Okay, so where are you guys at in his class?” Natasha said looking at him. 

 

* * *

  
  


After an hour or so, James seemed to have been finally cementing some of this stuff into his memory. Natasha couldn’t help but smile at the way his eyes would light up when he got through a problem completely on his own. They were going over a particularly hard concept at the moment and Natasha leaned in to look at the book between them, trying to explain it the best way she could. With her eyebrows furrowed as she used her finger to go over each line, she read slowly and clearly to make sure James got it all. Bucky was all about getting this stuff down, but at this moment he couldn’t help staring at her and the way her eyelashes looked as she looked down at the book. He kept staring at her lips as she bit them occasionally during pauses. 

“James, are you even listening to me?” Natasha said as calm and sure as ever, with a teasing voice. Little did he know that her heart was beating just as fast as his was when she noticed the way he was looking at her.

“Huh? Yeah, of course..I was just y’know..thinking about how grateful I am that you’re doing this for me.” James replied with his voice low, leaning in closer to her ever so slightly. 

Natasha was finding it harder to have a steady breath as she could feel his on her face. He was practically screaming “Kiss me!” and she was about to give in. She watched as his face moved closer and his blue eyes would dart from hers to her lips. Natasha found herself leaning in, and almost closing her eyes. As their lips were briefly touching, just barely, her reminder to go to the dance hall to practice chimed from her phone. Natasha’s eyes opened quickly, but James’ were still closed. 

“Gotta go, soldier.” She whispered on his lips with a smirk. 

James seemed to have woken from his trance and turned bright red, all the way up to his ears. Natasha was already packing up the books and putting them into her bag. James stood up a little too quickly, and opened the door for her on the way out. 

Once they reached the steps in front of the entrance, they paused to say goodbye.

“Well, James, this was fun. If you ever need help again, just ask!” Natasha said looking up at him with a smile. She motioned for a side hug but Bucky decided to go for a full on bone-crushing hug. It was probably a funny picture really, since he had to lean down so much. 

“Thanks...for everything.” James said into her ear sounding a little bit teasing at the end. 

“No problem,” Natasha said a little quiet. When he pulled back, he noticed that her face was turning almost as red as her hair. 

“By the way, what’s in the gym bag? You work out?” James asked.

“Ballet clothes, I dance.” Natasha replied, holding it up proudly.

“Huh, felt like I already knew that somehow.” James said with his eyebrows furrowed.

“Steve must’ve mentioned it.” Natasha answered. She started to step back to walk to practice.

As she walked away, she stopped to wave bye before going down into a subway station and James watched her fiery red hair disappear.

_ Oh God, _ he thought.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lil bit shorter than usual, but all the same fluff! sorry i haven't updated as quickly


	6. s i x

Natasha landed with her feet from a leap higher than she'd attempted before. She was at one of her final practices with her instructor before the audition tape and she was freaking out more than usual. Her instructor watched silently as she performed the routine almost flawlessly and Natasha had to fight the urge to smile in minute 5 of her 8 minute performance. At the height of the music, she remembered when she'd done this song once before, with James.

Of course, when she chose the song for her solo she had no idea he'd even be in her life at this moment, let alone increasingly becoming one of the closest people to her. She thought of James and their study date and their almost kiss. All of a sudden, she was done with the routine and she was wearing a perfectly authentic smile as she bowed for her instructor.

  
It had been a little over 3 weeks since the study date and Natasha had not really given herself time to properly freak out. She'd been throwing herself into practice everyday and anytime she wasn't practicing she was definitely studying. James texted her frequently, always starting the conversation asking for study tips but always ending the night with a flirtatious goodnight message.

  
Her instructor clapped and congratulated Natasha on a job well done. That she was ready for the tape and Juilliard would be a fool not to take her immediately.  
Natasha packed up her things, all giddy and excited. James said that he'd meet her at her studio so they could go back to her place and watch some movies. They never got to hang out with her busy schedule, and tonight was a rare occasion. As usual, her parents wouldn't be home but she wasn't planning on letting him get lucky. They weren't exactly 'together' yet. Natasha was incredibly wary of labels and she wanted him to approach the topic. So far he hadn't, and she was okay with that.

  
She walked out of the building with her phone in her hand and gym bag on her shoulder ready to text James. He was already standing on the corner and approached before she opened her phone.

   
"Hey, sweetheart." James called and watched her smile at him from the door.  
"Sweetheart? That's a little old fashioned, James." Nat answered coming up and giving him a hug. It was warm and solid, like him. Unwavering.  
"I work it though. Let me get that for you." James said pulling on her gym bag strap. She tried to protest but it came to no avail. This had been occurring at school more often than not. He'd take her books, carry her gym bag, it was a little embarrassing sometimes. Of course she rejected the whole concept of someone taking care of her but he was so earnest and genuine she couldn't bring herself to really say no.  
They made their way to the subway to catch a train to her apartment and their hands mingled together every now and then.

  
"Alright, James. Where's that list of movies that it's a crime you haven't seen yet." Natasha said once they'd settled on her couch with Chinese takeout on their laps.  
He chuckled and pulled out his phone to open his notes. On one of their times Facetiming she ranted to him about all these movies he absolutely needed to see. Surprisingly, he made a list on his phone of everything she'd said, just because her conviction was so strong.  
"Okay okay, top of the list is..Star Wars! I guess we'll just start with a new hope and go from there." Natasha said looking at the phone with her mouth full, nodding.  
"A who what?" Bucky responded, still thoroughly confused.  
"You will see my youngling." Natasha replied getting up to pull the DVD out and put it into her player.  
She sat back down, subtly closer than she had been before and smiled at James as she turned the lights down and the Star Wars music blasted from her speakers.

* * *

  
They were sitting so they weren't touching but Bucky was itching to be closer to her. He watched her enjoy the movie in delight, something clearly nostalgic for her. The both of them were mostly watching the movie but were hyper aware of the other one's movements. It was like a game of "who's gonna move first" and Natasha just wanted to get it over with. Usually she did make contact with him first and as she solidified her resolve to do so, he surprised her by moving in first.  
James had scooted over closer to her and put his arm on the couch behind her head, she was in the nook in his body and she blushed a little looking up at him.  
"This is okay, right?"  
"yeah, yeah." She replied cooly but inside she was really thinking about how they hadn't kissed since their "almost kiss" which didn't even count and she wondered if it would happen tonight. She snuggled into him a little bit more really trying to stay calm. James was out here stealing her heart.  
They did mostly watch the movie, but as the scene of princess Leia's rescue heightened, Natasha was at the point she couldn't take it any longer. She had let herself become utterly consumed by the thought of kissing him and it didn't help that he was only a few inches away.  
_Fuck it,_ she thought.  
As Leia shouted "into the garbage chute, flyboy" on the tv, Natasha turned and straddled James holding his face in her hands.  
"N-Natasha?" James whispered out, completely overwhelmed.  
"I'm gonna kiss you now for real, okay?" Natasha said cooly, her heart beating out of her chest.  
He nodded and jutted out his bottom lip, completely subdued to her.  
At that, Natasha leaned in closing the distance between them fully. She kissed him with a fervor that he'd never experienced and he was probably losing his mind at this point. He didn't know what do to with his hands so he kind of held them in the air as he tried to savor her lips. She noticed, and put them firm on her hips. He gasped and she took this opportunity to bring her tongue into the kiss. They stayed like that for about 15 minutes, kissing and fumbling, before she climbed off him and laid back onto her spot on the couch.  
"Wow." James let out after a few full seconds of silence.  
"Yeah." Natasha replied, hazily.  
James turned his head to look at her as it rested on the couch, with eyes full of something she couldn't put her finger on.  
They were holding hands still, and Natasha started to smile back at him and his dopey smile.  
Suddenly though, his face contorted into one of horror as he looked slightly behind her and a light coming in from the window flashed over his blue eyes. James crouched over the couch, holding his head between his knees, full on screaming. His fingers dug into his hair as he continued screaming.  
Natasha was frozen for a heartbeat before realizing this must be some kind of PTSD from his car crash. Natasha decided to go with touching James' back and whispering out his name. He didn't hear her as he rocked back and forth.  
"James!" she shouted, hoping to wake him out of whatever trance he was in. The screaming was getting lower but he was still not himself.  
"котенок," Natasha let out her russian in attempt to get his attention. He paused his screaming at this, slowly looking at her through his fingers, still rocking a little.  
  
"все в порядке , котенок. C'mere."  
[everything's okay, kitten]  
She said coaxing him with her arms open.  
His eyes were filled with some kind of wonder she couldn't explain. He slowly moved towards her, silently. James wrapped his arms around her waist and let his head fall on her lap, closing his eyes.  
Natasha was a little shocked, but rest her fingers in his hair and ran through it.

After about 20 minutes of James clutching onto Natasha, he finally opened his eyes and stared blankly at a wall for a moment.  
She noticed and ran her fingers through his hair again as a signal.

  
"The guys usually can't get me to snap out of my episodes that quickly." James whispered still staring at one point on the wall.

  
She hadn't expected him to speak, and she really wasn't sure what to say. That she knew calling him 'котенок' nearly always quelled him when someone remarked negatively at Natasha and he wanted to fight? No. She stayed silent, moving her fingers through his locks.  
"I think, somehow, I was always lost without you." James whispered, moving his head to kiss her thigh and then back to resting it.

  
Natasha's heart swelled, and she knew there was no going back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long :(((( school's just started up again but I hope I'll still be able to update.   
> had to have at least one chapter with some angst ;) hope you guys enjoyed!!!!


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